I know I know, that picture is so grainy and old! It's got to be about 8 years old now. I think I would be about 22 in this picture.
Huxley was my first dog, not my first family dog, but my first dog… mine, like the responsibilities all fell to me. I was living at home, he was with me 24/7 and we were having a great time.
He liked walks, he loved a tennis ball and other toys, but one thing that became clear pretty quickly was that the big wide world and in particular one with dogs in it, wasn't for him.
He was very emotional about other dogs. There was a lot of conflict going on for him. Some days he would be fine, somedays he would be losing it a whole football field away. We were sometimes safe in the street at a distance from other people and dogs, and sometimes this was not ok at all.
With constant one step forward and 2 steps back...
and with me… a very young person managing his escalating and frankly dangerous behaviour…
I had to do something?
I went to the vets, I got pain relief.... I got behaviour meds... I got herbal remedies... I tried it all.
I employed a behaviourist...one of the best <3 I love her and we are still amazingly close now.
She taught me a lot, but I needed to understand what was going on. I couldn't square why he was doing the things he was doing.
So I fed my curiosity.
I felt so powerless having no knowledge that I needed to read, learn, do the courses, do the training, and ultimately just get to be part of the few that can truly call themselves a behaviourist.
My little guy Huxley didn't make it. I made the decision that his suffering and the danger that he posed to others was too great. It was affecting my life, isolating me and him, his world and life was so small. It had to be, to keep him and other people safe.
We worked on things for 2 years with no progress... and my vets were adamant that he had something medical affecting him. Maybe a brain tumour, or something neurological. He was put to sleep on 11/03/19. He was 4 and for half of his life he had been troubled, stressed and not really himself.
I realised quickly that he was a special case. Most people, most reactive dogs, most dogs with behaviour issues, don't have the end that he had, or the plethora of complex factors affecting them.
I do thank him. He was a gorgeous boy, and I thank him for all the learning he catalysed.
The fire in me that he lit was huge. I had been lost. Completely lost, with no idea where to find resources or help. Doing a PhD I didn't enjoy, with a new passion emerging.
Thinking about this and writing this blog post has made me think hard about this journey I'm on. I want to help people so much.
All I want is to make it so that nobody has to go on that journey on their own! I want to offer the solutions, the help, the listening ear, and I want to make sure that people don't feel isolated. Don't feel alone and don't feel like they have to wade through this with no support.
That's why I'm here. That's my story.
A genuine tragedy, that fuelled a desire to help.
And that's exactly what I get to do every single day.
If you want to work with someone who has literally been through it and had to make all those decisions for themselves let alone clients, with a robust educational basis, over 5 years experience now in rescue and private behaviour practice, then... just give me a call.